season of lost parents

When I’m asked what I love about living in Colorado, my first answer is the seasons. I love the sense of renewal in spring and the transformation that comes with fall. I realize that I am currently in a new season, one that does not bring joy, but does honors that things must die, and new things will grow. This is the season of lost parents.

Recently I got a text from a dear friend saying that her dad died. This loss was devasting, and my heart broke for her. That text created a new connection that turned us from dear friends into grief buddies and pals without a parent. After the loss of my mom, I feel drawn to anyone who has lost a parent. I want to be a resource, part of their support system, and to also build community. None of us want to be in this place, but only in this space do you often find common ground and deep empathy.  

Losing a parent can feel like part of your identity dissolving away, and no one should have to navigate it alone. When my mom died, I found myself pondering “Who am I without her?”, “What parts of her will live on in me?” I want to offer encouragement to friends who might be asking themselves the same questions.

We move through many seasons in our lives, from the season of weddings, the season of baby showers, the graduations, etc. I’m working to accept this new season. I brace myself for how the news of a lost parent stirs the loss and grief in me, and I make space for how I can potentially offer support to soften some of the acute pain that comes with their recent loss.  All grief journeys are difficult. I was fortunate to have a good relationship with my mom, but for some, the loss of a parent comes with layers of complexity, challenging emotions, and unresolved concerns.  I think it is equally important to be there, helping create space for whatever feelings are felt.

The season of lost parents is inevitable. In my case, it came sooner than I’d hoped.  My offering to you is to show up for your loved ones when you learn they have lost a parent. Be kind, ask them how they are feeling about the loss, invite them to share something they loved about their parent or what they will miss, sit with them, offer to take something off their plate, and recognize they are forever changed.